Exerpt from "Everything You Think You Know About Beating Stress Is Wrong"

Yesterday's Wisdom
Express your feelings

Today's Smart Strategy
Keep it to yourself

In our tell-all, Oprah-fied culture, we've come to believe that sharing our feelings is the only way to deal with life's struggles. But just the opposite is often true. "We've long thought that talking about problems is always better, but there's also evidence suggesting that this coping style doesn't work for everybody," explains Karin Coifman, PhD, an assistant professor of clinical psychology at Kent State University. Dr. Coifman and colleagues looked at how people whose spouse or child had just died coped with their loss. They learned that many of the subjects who avoided thinking or talking about their sadness—a style psychologists call repressive coping—had fewer short-term health problems, such as sore throats, diarrhea, and shortness of breath, as well as a lower incidence of long-term psychological problems. What's more, they returned to their everyday lives more quickly than those who dwelled upon their grief.

"There's a lot to be said for getting on with the business of living," says Dr. Coifman. "People who talk endlessly about their problems are actually the ones at greater risk of depression." In fact, researchers at the University of Missouri, Columbia, found that participants who repeatedly expressed their sadness or disappointment were more likely to develop depression and anxiety. That doesn't mean you should just suck it up when something bad happens. While you shouldn't deny yourself natural grieving moments, learning to direct your attention away from the stressor is a powerful coping mechanism. So after experiencing that initial burst of tears, turn to something positive—check in on a friend or rearrange your furniture. It's an important skill to look beyond the bad—we wouldn't survive as a species otherwise, Dr. Coifman adds.

By Daryn Eller, Prevention