Rambling about a very important decision I have to make...

I am having such a difficult time deciding which school to go to that my head is spinning! I hate vacillating between schools and not knowing what I want to do. I like Seattle University because its location is very appealing – I heard Seattle is interesting and fun. There are cafes, shops, museums, and plenty of things to do. It’s a city city, like Honolulu. I also like that there are many Asian students attending the university (I even spotted ‘anime club’ in Seattle U’s list of student organizations). The cons? I don’t feel like Seattle U really wants me there. They have been giving me a difficult time with the financial aid, and I’ve already emailed and phoned them numerous times. Although the deadline is tomorrow, they still weren’t able to give me a definite answer about my financial aid...only that they would “probably” be able to give me the federal pell grant (they already made it clear that I will not be receiving the SEOG and ACG). I don’t feel comfortable being left hanging like this - it makes me feel so anxious! I can’t believe their doing this to me! Do they want me to come to their school or not? I also don’t feel too eager to take their required religion and philosophy classes. These are core classes and six of them are needed to graduate. I don’t want to waste money on theology classes...!

Willamette University, on the other hand, has been treating me extremely well from the beginning. I received calls and emails from a student representative and from the admissions office asking if I needed any help or if I had any questions. Their financial aid package was the most impressive – a whopping $44,000 that covers all of my expenses! I wouldn’t even need to apply for any more additional outside scholarships! However, this is a liberal arts university and I am not sure I want a liberal arts education (it’ll be like taking high school all over again – and there won’t be a major focus on your selected major). I’ll have to admit that one of the reasons why I was attracted to Willamette was because of the big exchange program they do with a Tokyo University – there are many Japanese students attending! (Gosh, I am such a Japan freak. I can’t help but be obsessed.) The school is also very small (less than 2,000 students!) This can be a good or bad thing, depending on whether you have an optimistic or pessimistic perspective. One student said, “After one month of attending Willamette, you start to see the same faces everyday,” and “It’s like one big family!” Yes, everyone is open and friendly. But with a school so small, I have my doubts about whether I would “fit in” and whether the environment will start to feel suffocating. (Of course, this is just my own stupid insecurities and if there are any problems making friends, it’ll be me and not them.) The size and environment might also mean I’ll be living a sheltered life, and isn’t the point of going away for college to explore the outside world? I feel like Seattle can give me that experience that Salem wouldn’t.

Although I am leaning toward Seattle U, I don't feel good waiting to hear for a response from them while rejecting a perfectly fantastic financial aid package from Willamette University...especially when Seattle U hasn't even given me a straight answer yet!

Oh, what should I do?!

I anticipated that April would be a stressful month, but that did not make it any less stressful for me to go through! The stress and lack of sleep has even caused me to become sick. I missed one day of school and many days of work. I know that I have to take better care of myself~

You would think that because it is the end of April, I would have made my college decision already...but no, I actually haven’t. I’ve talked to many people about the three schools, weighed the pros and cons of each one, compared financial aid letters, and thought and thought about it. In fact, it is what occupies my mind day and night. Throughout the month, I’ve reached moments when I thought I’ve finally made my decision. But I always end up surprising myself with one thing or the other...and right now, I’m back to square one!!! Tomorrow, I will see the college counselor and try to solve this crisis. I desperately want to end this headache once and for all!

I also desperately need to study for the upcoming AP Calculus exam, but a major case of senioritis hit me and I’ve been finding it extremely difficult to concentrate on studying.

Happier notes:



Tracy bought me a beautiful rose on Wednesday and came over to give it to me on the day I was sick. It was a ‘thank-you’ present for the earrings I bought her~ but she didn’t have to do this for me because that’s what a ‘present’ is supposed to be right? She is so sweet! <3

Sara invited me and another friend to her family barbeque on the beach today! It was my first barbeque and the food was so delicious!!! There were chicken drumsticks, short ribs, chicken and apple sausages (strange as that sounds, it’s insanely good and one of my favorites!), bacon wrapped mushrooms, grilled corn and asparagus, ocean salad, sushi, kimchi daikon, and of course, rice. YUM~! I spent the entire day eating and well, doing nothing. It was strange because I’m not used to doing ‘nothing’ but I guess I needed the break.

BACK TO SCHOOL TOMORROW. G’NIGHT.