Feeling Junk

** Sorry if there's pidgin (local slang used in Hawaii) here. There is no better words to use.

Yesterday, Zane got his own American Savings Bank account. It may be stupid, but this made me feel junk. I went through a lot of (unnecessary?) trouble just to get an account there, even had a few strings pulled because my mom's friend worked there. But Zane gets one just like that, with the snap of his fingers. It's not like I'm feeling resentment or anything of that sort. Of course not - I'm very happy for him. But that doesn't change the fact that I feel junk. It seems that I always end up taking the hard way out when there is an easier path to follow. It sucks.

Last night, I found out that Zane wasn't even taking the PSAT! I was so shocked and I really couldn't believe it. But Jenny was all like, 'whatever' about it and said, "Doesn't matter because he's going to college."

This made me feel junk too. I was really stressing yesterday and doing some last minute cramming for the test because there was never any time for me to study before. Now it's like all the studying I've been doing is for nothing.

"It doesn't matter anyway."