I was so close to deleting this blog.
Just because I've been at it for so long (since I was 15?) and what I post wasn't very interesting and somewhat depressing.
I'm afraid to read my older posts.
It makes me cringe!
>-<
Although I haven't been taking pictures lately (feeling uninspired!), I do feel inspired to at least write more.
Wednesday 4/27
- I skipped class for the second time in my life. It was a studio day. Since I didn't start filming yet, I had nothing to work on. These are excuses, I know, but I don't regret it.
- The mouse clickers on my new Dell laptop have been broken for the past two weeks, but a Dell technician finally came and fixed it! I didn't know Dell offered such services. ^-^ I really don't have any luck when it comes to electronics, do I? I'm only glad that it broke while I still have my warranty going... >-< The technician looked like my sister's age. I don't know why I expected an old man instead, but I was surprised. ^^; He took apart my entire laptop and it was a little frightening to see all the small parts and screws and wires...it makes me wonder, will you remember how to put it all back together? But he did and like magic, I can left and right click! Yay! I was almost getting used to using my touchpad, but it's nice to be able to click again. <3
- In the afternoon, I did a photoshoot with Kat and Ally's dolls. They're beautiful dolls and I'm thankful that they allowed me to use them. I hope the photographs come out well! ^-^
- I was invited to the Honors and Awards Ceremony in the evening and it turns out that I won a scholarship from the Japanese and Chinese department! ^-^ Yay! Fujiwara sensei said that it was a difficult decision because there were many good students so I'm very happy I was chosen! Ho ho! ^-^
- Cat helped me film my final video project after the ceremony was over at around 9PM. It will be dark and awesome! My previous videos have been lighthearted and kitschy (I like to make people smile), so this will be completely different. I hope to catch my professor by surprise. She likes this sort of thing. ^-^
- I called up my best friend back home to chat and it was really nice to hear her voice. <3 I can't wait to see her in a month~!
- I need to work with my roommate on her English pronunciation. =^-^= She was trying to explain a Japanese word to me and said what sounded like, "...a person who is sexless." I was very confused, so I glanced at her dictionary and realized that she was trying to say thankless. I had a good laugh!
Thursday (Today!)
- I got to sleep in for the first time because there was no Japanese class! It felt amazing! ^3^
- I had an orange and chocolate covered kakimochi (rice crackers) for breakfast. I didn't even know that chocolate kakimochi existed, but apparently they do and it works! I love sweet and salty snacks! ^o^
- I had a BIGGG lunch - the big bowl of the udon special with scallops and bacon okonomiyaki. Nom, nom, nom! I couldn't stop eating and now I'm so full! >-<
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Monday, April 4, 2011
I was working in the darkroom until 1AM again. But tonight is different. Tonight, I am alone but I don't feel the usual loneliness. It seems I've finally learned how to cope. It's much easier to work without a heavy heart to weigh you down! :)
Today is the deeply hated Monday - marking the start of another school week and the end to our fun weekends - but today was a good day!
I received 100% on my video art project (who ever receives 100% on something not objective like math?)
I miraculously finished my essay a day before deadline AND went to my writing center appointment. I can't believe it myself because just yesterday, I was stressing out about what to write. I had no idea and it was difficult starting. I wish I could take writing more casually, but writing always demands a large amount of concentration and energy from me. I made an appointment because I was desperate, expecting only to show them my introduction. Little did I know that I would actually finish my essay before the appointment! The writing center consultant also did not really correct much on my paper, exclaiming that it was solid work. I only hope the professor thinks so too! :)
I also received an email requesting a phone interview for my possible summer internship! It's a little nerve wracking considering that I get nervous easily and fail at communication, but I just have to remind myself that I really want and need this job! :) I'll do my best!
Today is the deeply hated Monday - marking the start of another school week and the end to our fun weekends - but today was a good day!
I received 100% on my video art project (who ever receives 100% on something not objective like math?)
I miraculously finished my essay a day before deadline AND went to my writing center appointment. I can't believe it myself because just yesterday, I was stressing out about what to write. I had no idea and it was difficult starting. I wish I could take writing more casually, but writing always demands a large amount of concentration and energy from me. I made an appointment because I was desperate, expecting only to show them my introduction. Little did I know that I would actually finish my essay before the appointment! The writing center consultant also did not really correct much on my paper, exclaiming that it was solid work. I only hope the professor thinks so too! :)
I also received an email requesting a phone interview for my possible summer internship! It's a little nerve wracking considering that I get nervous easily and fail at communication, but I just have to remind myself that I really want and need this job! :) I'll do my best!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
I apologize for being such a whiny bitch lately.
I guess I can step back and take a look at the big picture since I have tonight finally free to do homework (whaa?)
But only for tonight because I know what comes ahead is another big hurdle I have to overcome.
I grew up hating that my mother always compared me to other kids, but I do it to myself too. Sometimes, it takes a negative toll on my self-esteem, but mostly I'd like to think on the positive side - that it could serve to inspire me for self-improvement.
I have a friend who seems to perfectly define what a capable person. She has the personality. She has the patience. She is actually what I think my mother wanted me to be. I think, "If she can do it, why not me?"
And yes, why not?
I take on the same amount of work (sometimes more) than she does, but she seems to be fine, while I'm kind of...withering away.
I am not as emotionally stable.
I freak out too easily and I stress too easily.
I don't like the person I become when I'm overworked.
People have told me not to force or push myself too hard.
But is there any way I can stop?
I guess I can step back and take a look at the big picture since I have tonight finally free to do homework (whaa?)
But only for tonight because I know what comes ahead is another big hurdle I have to overcome.
I grew up hating that my mother always compared me to other kids, but I do it to myself too. Sometimes, it takes a negative toll on my self-esteem, but mostly I'd like to think on the positive side - that it could serve to inspire me for self-improvement.
I have a friend who seems to perfectly define what a capable person. She has the personality. She has the patience. She is actually what I think my mother wanted me to be. I think, "If she can do it, why not me?"
And yes, why not?
I take on the same amount of work (sometimes more) than she does, but she seems to be fine, while I'm kind of...withering away.
I am not as emotionally stable.
I freak out too easily and I stress too easily.
I don't like the person I become when I'm overworked.
People have told me not to force or push myself too hard.
But is there any way I can stop?
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Spring Break 2011
Honestly...Spring break wasn't fun at all.
I was miserable for the most part.
I was upset with one friend, so I didn't want to see her for a while.
But.
I ended up getting very lonely so I had to cope with my irritation until the feeling left me. I didn't want confrontation because I know it will make the situation worse. The only thing I could do was wait. I woke up early everyday for work so I barely got any sleep. As a result, I am so. incredibly. e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d all the time!
A friend told me not to push myself too hard. And I do always feel like I'm putting alot of effort into everything I do, but.
In the end, I still feel like I have accomplished nothing.
So this doesn't make sense...
Tomorrow will be my last day of spring break.
I still haven't started on homework.
*dies*
I was miserable for the most part.
I was upset with one friend, so I didn't want to see her for a while.
But.
I ended up getting very lonely so I had to cope with my irritation until the feeling left me. I didn't want confrontation because I know it will make the situation worse. The only thing I could do was wait. I woke up early everyday for work so I barely got any sleep. As a result, I am so. incredibly. e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d all the time!
A friend told me not to push myself too hard. And I do always feel like I'm putting alot of effort into everything I do, but.
In the end, I still feel like I have accomplished nothing.
So this doesn't make sense...
Tomorrow will be my last day of spring break.
I still haven't started on homework.
*dies*
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
This may sound horrible, but sometimes I feel detached from the devastating earthquake and tsunami disaster in Japan. It seems surreal to me. Because it's not happening to me - school goes on and life goes on.
I don't know how much this incident will change my study abroad experience in Japan this coming fall. The spring semester has already been cancelled. Many of my friends currently in Japan are at a loss for what to do.
I picked up two newspapers yesterday. I kept it in my bag the entire day, but never found the time to fish them out and read them. I only read The New York Times this morning and to my surprise, teared up when I read the line, "Assistance teams also were due from China and South Korea, two of Japan's traditional and bitter rivals."
It was enough that the countries put aside a bitter history to focus on the present and help, but unlike the 1995 Kobe earthquake where 6,000 people died, Japan actually accepted foreign aid this time.
It is not enough to simply 'pray.' I know I want to help.
Spring break is in a week. I have so much to do then.
I don't know how much this incident will change my study abroad experience in Japan this coming fall. The spring semester has already been cancelled. Many of my friends currently in Japan are at a loss for what to do.
I picked up two newspapers yesterday. I kept it in my bag the entire day, but never found the time to fish them out and read them. I only read The New York Times this morning and to my surprise, teared up when I read the line, "Assistance teams also were due from China and South Korea, two of Japan's traditional and bitter rivals."
It was enough that the countries put aside a bitter history to focus on the present and help, but unlike the 1995 Kobe earthquake where 6,000 people died, Japan actually accepted foreign aid this time.
It is not enough to simply 'pray.' I know I want to help.
Spring break is in a week. I have so much to do then.
Sunday, March 13, 2011
*is tired*
Woke up at around 11am both days this weekend.
It feels slightly disorienting to have my routine thrown off for once, which is to always wake up at 10am for an hour run at the gym, eat brunch at 11am, shower at 12pm, and start homework at 1pm.
Thursday marked the end of my hell week.
I felt so burnt out on Friday.
I might have lost my willpower to do any more work.
Yet...I have to keep going, I know.
The earthquake news had me worried about all of my friends in Japan. My roommate's family lives in Iwate and Sendai, so it was particularly frightening. However, we were able to Skype with her family last night. To my surprise, everyone seemed fine. They were laughing and were extremely 元気 (or maybe they just didn't want Mao to worry?)
I am thankful that all of my friends in Japan are safe (yay Facebook!) I am thankful that Japan is strong. Although tragic, it could have been worse if Japan was more poorly equipped (ie, if this happened to China, it would kill them.)
Pray.
It feels slightly disorienting to have my routine thrown off for once, which is to always wake up at 10am for an hour run at the gym, eat brunch at 11am, shower at 12pm, and start homework at 1pm.
Thursday marked the end of my hell week.
I felt so burnt out on Friday.
I might have lost my willpower to do any more work.
Yet...I have to keep going, I know.
The earthquake news had me worried about all of my friends in Japan. My roommate's family lives in Iwate and Sendai, so it was particularly frightening. However, we were able to Skype with her family last night. To my surprise, everyone seemed fine. They were laughing and were extremely 元気 (or maybe they just didn't want Mao to worry?)
I am thankful that all of my friends in Japan are safe (yay Facebook!) I am thankful that Japan is strong. Although tragic, it could have been worse if Japan was more poorly equipped (ie, if this happened to China, it would kill them.)
Pray.
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